Using My Best Judgement

Well everyone, Tuesday I have to report for jury duty.  I think that I should go with a verdict already decided just to save time.  This might make them pick me, too, when they are choosing the jury members. If they say, okay, the next juror we are considering, what is your name, etc. And I will say my name is Refried Bean and I find the defendent not guilty. 

Confidential

This blog post is about something confidential because I signed a form saying that I would not share any information about it.  I'll give you a hint though.  The hint is that I can't tell you anything about it.

A guessing game with no hints

Well everyone, I found a great new doctor today and hopefully I can keep being her patient, because she helped me a lot.  I feel that she did not mind me explaining my condition in euphemisms because of the way I am so embarrassed by health problems and terms, and when I said stuff like "such and such if you know what I mean but I don't want to say," she knew just what to prescribe.  Probably after a few visits I can just show up and look away in shame and she will know exactly what the diagnosis is. I think that really that is what great health care is all about, and an unlabeled grab bag system at the drug store might work out well for everyone too.

Fast feast

   This might be something I should just post on facebook but I am feeling shy so I am writing it on my blog.  There is a scene in Lord of the Rings with this bad steward fake king guy and he has a feast of food laid out in front of him and one of the hobbits is his servant and the hobbit sings a song and there is slow motion video of the king eating the food like a pig and he is gnawing at the meat and tomato juice runs down his face and it is supposed to be related to how much of a bad person he is.  I think of him sometimes when I eat something like wings, really probably every time I eat wings, and during my depressions a long time ago I would sometimes feel like I was just like him when I would eat hungrily or do something like drink a whole pitcher of kool aid, which I did sometimes because life was hard.
   Anyway I just got home from walking to go get food and I turned on the Return of the King movie on my computer, which I haven't watched for a while, and right as it was starting, it was that scene, and it is funny because I just got wings.  So that is pretty hilarious because basically now it will be like a mirror of me eating my food but I am not going to let it get me down everyone.  But really honestly it was kind of greedy for me to go get the food I got because I just had good food yesterday. But it doesn't mean that I am a bad steward or king or that I should be burnt alive like what happens to him towards the end of the movie. And if that scene is just like me, maybe there are other scenes from other movies that are also me, and maybe one of those movies is the Care Bears movie, and I should remember that I also eat Reese's pieces sometimes, kind of like E.T.

Out of the Loop

This is random but I for a long time have thought that the Massachusetts Institute of Technology was in Texas. I wonder if I applied there and told them that then they might think that it is so stupid it actually must be something past being smart you know like so high up intelligence scales that it actually is a certain kind of stupid that is off the charts, or maybe if intelligence loops around then that is the reason for my thinking. But I do not want to go there so I think that if I applied then that would also be because of the loop.

Some lines about the DMV

Well everyone, I went to the DMV today, and honestly it wasn't a bad experience. I was getting a drivers license after a time of not driving for a while.  I had to wait for an hour and then another hour, and they call out people's numbers the whole time.  Like there is a screen with a lot of numbers.  I actually think they should consider combining it with some kind of Bingo game, and if you win, then you don't have to wait as long.  I mean they could almost do that as it is, like choose a few numbers to call immediately for no reason but to make those people winners who don't have to wait in line.  And then after that they could just start passing out cash.  That is kind of what they did today except it was me paying the 66 dollars.

Coldline

Well everyone I had a psychological problem that wasn't that bad but kind of bad and I tried to call a hotline just to feel better but they said they had an emergency call come in and ended my call.  Well I do not know why except maybe I sounded too chipper and not enough like I was about to throw myself into a wood chipper.

Next time my blog post will be about extra dessert

Today is Wednesday everyone, and I am coming out from under a shadow leftover from yesterday, when I made the wrong choice in a restaurant.  As you can probably guess, the choice was that I ordered a salad.  Well all I can do is learn from it and next time when I go to the restaurant, maybe I can say in a loud voice, "I accidentally ordered a salad last time," and what can that mean but a free order of chicken fingers.

A little exercise

Well everyone, I just took a little walk, and it turns out that Starbucks and McDonalds have planted themselves right in the middle of my exercise route, so I will need to figure out what to do besides avoiding the route sometimes by staying home and ordering pizza.

What if it turns out that the mice are the landlords

Hi everyone, I think people would probably like an update on the mouse situation in my apartment and though I don't think I should say everything about it, I will say that the mice in my apartment do eat whole packages of cookies.

My life is so much like Nintendo that I am literally playing Nintendo

You know what everyone, I don't want every blog post on this blog to be about playing Nintendo, but I have been playing Nintendo quite a lot and feeling very happy about it and thinking about how all along my whole life when I would reflect on things philosophically and think about or maybe just hope that life really is like Super Mario Brothers I was really right about it.  I mean it is just so true that there are coins that you get in life and piranha plants and most of all, stars when you hit your head against bricks.

The End of Tax Season

Today is Easter, so I need to do my taxes, but what I really want to do is play Nintendo.  And I think they should make software that lets you do your taxes by playing a Nintendo game.  It could be like Super Mario, and all you do is enter your social security number and play a game and if you get a mushroom then you get a big refund and if the flames hit you then you don't get as much of a refund.  And when the gold coins fall out of the sky and land on you, then you also get real gold coins in your bank account. I think that if they did this, more people would do their taxes.  In fact, people would want to do their taxes all the time.  And I know that some people think that Easter is not for taxes or Nintendo but really if Easter means no more death then doesn't it also probably mean no more taxes?

It doesn't mean I am some kind of hero, everyone.

Hi everyone, yeah, I was scared this week because of two new volunteer projects that I did not know if I could do and it turns out that yeah I can put grapes in a bag and scoop some beans and rice and even slice a potato with some help and support.  I was not trusted with the plastic wrap, but I could learn that next time.  I got three free cupcakes at one project, and there is a volunteer party I am going to on Saturday.  At home I was worried because of a terrible mice situation but things are almost back to normal and I am sleeping in my room again after a few days being on the air mattress with mice right in front of my face at night. And I cleaned the guinea pig cages and rearranged them so they can all socialize. And what have we learned.  Well I do not know but I think it is something religious.

Not enough baskets for the ducks and chickens

Well everyone, I was hoping that the NCAA championship would be Oregon vs. South Carolina, but both teams lost, so that leaves me to wrestle with existential questions about what is truly meaningful in the world.  And I have concluded that a lot of things in life still matter a lot, but that my favorite basketball teams did not win this time.  And I think one of the reasons people can't go back in time is because people would not know whether to go back in time and win a basketball game or go back in time and attend a different school so your team would be the winning team 20 years later.  And if you did go back in time and attend a different school, wouldn't that really still make you a true fan of your old school because that's how disappointed you were that your team lost? Another question I am wrestling with is what if you scored the final four points in the final four seconds of a final four game. Well my teams do not know the answer to that and that is why we lost. I guess what I am saying is that I wish I had gone to Gonzaga University for college. They might have had a philosophy course that would have helped me understand all this.

Friday night blog post

It is 6:30 everyone.  Time to do nothing.  I had a little scuffle with the bank this afternoon but no need to drag on about that and I am not even writing about it on the mad blog.  But I was mean to someone on the phone and I do not expect any more trouble, especially after I write a letter to the editors of all the newspapers and say we should go back to the days of gold coins and leather pouches.  And then what will the banks do. Well I know what they won't do which is leave me stranded at CVS trying to buy marshmallow peeps without a working debit card.

way to go gamecocks

   Hi everyone, yesterday I went to a basketball game in NYC where my college team, the University of South Carolina gamecocks, beat the Florida gators and made it to the Final Four for the first time in school history.  For years, it has been rare for us to even qualify for the tournament at all.  This was the first basketball game I have been to since being the mascot in college18 years ago.  That might seem like it is because I am not a real fan but it is really because I had a tough retail work schedule and just couldn't easily schedule ahead enough to buy game tickets.

   I did not cry when we won, but I cried the night before when I thought of all the gamecock fans being in New York City.  The fact is that SC people just don't get to go to New York City that easily, and it is especially tough to get to live here.

   I am expecting to find out any day if I qualify for SSDI insurance payments to help me get through some time not being able to work because of severe mental illness that worsened after abuse at my job and in my life, and it made me emotional to think of all the USC fans here in New York, even though it was to cheer on the basketball players and not me.  But it was a boost to me, too, to be in the stands and feel an extra surge of self esteem that I have always gotten from the special privilege of being a school mascot, which was a blessing that helped me survive and finish school twenty years ago when my illness first wrecked me.
  Now I will soon find out if I get to sit around and play video games, which I haven't done much in life because of working very hard. Once I am on disability, people will not know that I have worked hard, and some people might think it is a scam.  But it is not a scam, and if people knew the endurance and strategy it takes for people with mental illness to get through each day, they would gladly cheer us on, and many would pay anything to see us finish the race someday instead of crumpling into homelessness, debt, and sudden death.

Best Buys

   Well everyone, this week I bought a TV and I am very excited.  I have not had a TV in a long time and now I can play video games with my old gamecube. Super Mario Party is my favorite game. My TV cost 80 dollars and it is perfect.  Sometimes I really nail it with a purchase and this is one of those times.   My coffee maker and vacuum were other times like that too.  My parents were not good at picking out appliances.  They would always accidentally buy the camera that has the five second delay so everyone gets tired of smiling, and my dad actually chose the Amiga computers when Apple was first getting started.  And to bake something in our old oven we always had to calculate a time other than what all the recipes said.  I usually don't talk about my parents when I write or just criticize people but I can't help it this time because I eventually noticed the pattern and I am thankful because I don't have that pattern. I really could do another whole blog just about how great the coffee maker I chose is.
  Some people spend four hundred dollars on a TV and that really confuses me. I think what those people really want is a Holodek from Star Trek and it is not available yet. When it is, I will try to buy one for my parents so they don't buy an off brand Holodek that sends them to Planet Sears.

Grand Central Discombobulation

Well everyone it's time to post another post and I think I should write about getting lost in a mysterious corridor at Grand Central Station the other day.  I mean it was crazy i was walking down this abandoned hallway and I was all by myself and I was like okay how do I get out of here and then I climbed a lot of stairs and found my way to the real Grand Central Station and I knew that from then on the security people were keeping their eye on me because I am sure the cameras were monitoring me when I was lost and sure enough there were some army guys who were right next to the trashcan when I threw a piece of paper away. I know they were watching to see what I was up to and probably wondered if it was just a cover of some sort when I got some ice cream and then when I went and got more ice cream I think that was when they were like okay wait a minute what is going on here.

Just killing time until we get nuked

Hi everyone it sure has been a long time since I have written and unfortunately it is not because I got a new Nintendo.  The fact is that the Nintendo Classic is still not available so I don't have much to write about except to say that I did save the unicorn in the Candy Crush game on my phone.  And I did pay extra money to get some more special candies, extra lives, and gold bars, which to me totally counts as a gambling problem, so hopefully I can get some insurance re-imbursement for it.  Anyway I have been a little worn out in my mind and have written some posts on my other blogs, which honestly weren't that good.  The fact is that I can get pretty mad on either side of a lot of issues and it is hard to stay consistent with a point of view.  Sitting in a corner hitting myself might be the best option for expressing my political views, and that actually is what I feel like doing when I read the news.

Oh, no you go ahead, no you.

Hi everyone, today is Christmas Eve.  On the way into my apartment building this afternoon, I tried to hold the door for this kid but he was trying to hold another door for me.  It was kind of like O. Henry's Gift of the Magi Story and hopefully the security cameras got it on video so it can be on the Hallmark Channel every Christmas from now on.

Partridges and Cartridges

Hi everyone. I hope y'all are having a great Christmas. I am but it is only December 17 so there is still time for me to fall down some stairs. I feel really happy about the presents I am giving this year, although the classic Nintendo game set with 30 games was not really rolled out in time for me to buy it this year for me or others.  But I am okay and I have gotten lots of presents and have found that packing them in boxes is kind of like winning Tetris.

A little known fact

Hi everyone I just felt like sharing a little known fact about myself which is that I invented basketball and the Apple Watch.

Can't Get Too Thankful

Hi everyone. Today is Thanksgiving.  I am having a little trouble today because I am taking new psychiatric medicine that makes me feel guilty.  I think it is kind of funny for the emotion to be so specific like that. It is like a plot for a story I might have written, where someone takes medicine that makes them feel guilty and they have to figure out what is right intellectually without their intuition and conscience working correctly.  Well that is interesting isn't it, but I am okay. I am cooking some rice right now. I decided not to get a rotisserie chicken because I just didn't want chicken today so I think that is kind of like pardoning a turkey like Obama does on Thanksgiving.  But I am not trying to make everyone else feel guilty for eating turkey or chicken.  If I wanted to do that I would bring over an Abilify casserole.

Fried Bananas

Hi everyone, today is a Sunday in November. I wanted to share a little recipe because I just successfully made this food and it was so yummy.  The recipe is called Fried Bananas.  You heat up butter and sugar and cut a banana into fourths, you know, like cutting it length ways and in half, etc.  Then you put those slices in the browning butter and sugar and it caramelizes.  I think it is best if it is pretty hot.  And then you put the cooked bananas over ice cream and then you eat it and feel a little bit proud, possibly to the point of arrogance and with some snootiness that becomes permanent. It's kind of nice after some taco salad or bean dip and limeade.