Well everyone, I hope you all are having a nice day. It is 8 o’clock on a Wednesday. Today has been one of the least productive days I have ever had, until about an hour ago when I suddenly figured out a whole outline for my next writing project. It is another imaginary mice novel, but the human plot for it is very exciting. I do not think I should say the idea until I finish the book and post it. I feel an urge to start the book right now, but I think I am going to brainstorm for a couple more days and then write it. The discipline challenge this time could be a matter of trying to take my time and include all the ideas that I can instead of dashing it off to be done with it. I think I will try to use the whole month of September and shoot for 200 pages. I can do it. I can do it.
This blog hasn’t been great lately, has it? Well I have not shared any of my blog posts on facebook yet so maybe that doesn’t matter that much.
This week I had an epiphany about the legal intimidation I have been getting for several years, and the feeling I don't understand, which is my ongoing hesitation to share my writing on facebook. I figured out that in addition to being related to censorship fears, it has to do with the danger of being accused of witness tampering. People will say that if I knew there could be a court case about people who hurt me and then I interacted with various friends for seven years after the incidents in question, then it could count as witness tampering. And then especially if I publicly share essays about bad things that happened to me, it could be seen as a way of knowingly influencing witnesses.
I think these concerns are something to take seriously, but I think as far as my writing goes, the right action for me to take is obvious, which is to not be intimidated and to share anything I want to with any potential reader. I worked fifteen years on these books and sharing the jokes and priceless knowledge inside them was the whole reason I stayed at my job and endured the abuse from people who for some reason wanted to hurt me and keep me from even being alive to share my writing. It is like they already were hiding something and knew they had to silence me before I even wrote about them. Does that mean they did bad stuff to me a long time ago and I didn’t even know it? That is a tragedy so wrong that I do not have any mental space or capacity to understand it. Their abuse of me in the last years at my job was obvious, but I honestly can hardly believe that the even worse distress I was in for my first two or three years there could have been caused on purpose. If God asks me to forgive them, I will have to say, I do not believe they did that. I can’t believe that anyone would make me feel worse in the state of agony I was already in as a depressed and mentally ill person. Someone else will have to forgive them because I do not even believe in that kind of evil.
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