A Very 7-11 Christmas

Hi everyone, who is reading this blog? No one? That is very rude. Today is Christmas Eve. I woke up a little bit depressed but am okay now.  I went to the post office and my present from my sister was there and it did make the difference for how I feel today.  But I still urgently posted a photo of myself on facebook for other sad people. I wore my Greenville sweatshirt that my sister's family gave me.  It was such a good surprise and some candy from a store in my hometown called Mast General Store where they have barrels of candy.  So thanks everyone, thanks conspiracy, I am getting through another Christmas.  Does the person I like like me?  It could be the twelfth or fifteenth Christmas hurt by a delusion not coming true, but I will get through it.  I think that the conspiracy felt that I could afford the shame of that chronic problem.  I personally don't see it that way but still am committed to staying alive to pray for people.  Also I figured out that putting molasses in coffee creates a gingerbread flavor.  And I feel like that is something people need to know.

    Speaking of important news, I have been defending the evangelical church from libtards for a long time now, but for some reason, this christmas, I have some more awareness of how dirty some of those churches really are. How disgusting their discrimination is, and how long they have gotten away with it. I feel so sorry for them, and for their charade, and for how much everyone knows what they did and yet they all still prance around like it's other people with the problem. But their gaydar picked people up faster than any media hypocrits ever could, and they let people know in their own way who wasn't accepted and never would be.  Then those of us who had to be patient with it to survive were talked to like we were idiots for the rest of our lives. Like maybe we were the ones with the theological problem. But as the evangeli-tards continue to dedicate their lives and fashion to sharing their gospel of why they are better than everyone else, it is the rest of us who have had to ask God for help. I still really believe the church has done well in some ways, and that most of the northerners hate christians because we sing songs to God like they are too proud to do.  But I don't intend to spend the rest of my permanently ruined life keeping the church's sins a secret in the same closet as my mom and dad's worse persecution for much the same reasons. No one is going to get away with their ignorant harassment or their futile attempts to hide the evidence of their stupidity, which happens to be the entire rest of creation. In fact, I think everyone already knows most of the things still unsaid, yet I can't help but acknowledge that some people seem to have a little bit too much glee from their sick, selfish kidnapping fantasies coming true all around us in every country including our own.

 

Evidence Based Affirmations for Mental Illness

      

Nice Rice

 People weren’t expecting me to make fried rice today were they.  I know those people in the overcrowded bus weren’t expecting it, and probably Satan did not predict it either.  But it was very inevitable with the mixed vegetables sitting there on the stove, and the eggs on the counter and rice in the cabinet.  And then some people probably still thought that not having butter meant not frying anything, but I did have the vegetable oil.  So that worked out and it was yummy.  Some Polynesian sauce from Chick-Fil-A was good to add, too, and Worschester sauce, which I add to everything. 

Well that is all for now, everyone. Some bacon would be good next time I guess but this was yummy today.

It seems that all my blog posts from here on out will be tainted with political wrenching from the New York Grimes and other problem people who are mean to me.

So I will keep trying to just be thankful and count my blessings instead of complaining but as I have said before, some complaints are like when someone is standing on your hand and you really should say something about it.

Anyway I think I am going to try to invent a dish called Nice Rice and it will be called that because it has three kinds of something in it. And the idea will be like kind means nice and it has three kinds of ingredients like cheese, mustard, and cream or bacon or something. In fact I could say if it has three kinds of anything then that is what makes it Nice Rice. 

So I guess fried rice is usually a type of Nice Rice too.

Well have a good day everyone and don’t eat too much mean beans.

A Very Expensive Book Case

 Hi everyone, today is still Sunday and I am just writing to explain the lawsuit I might participate in.  It has to do with the way Barnes and Noble changed their book look up system somewhere around 2010 so that it matched the website more and made it almost impossible for employees to find a book on the computer screen or in the store.  The idea was to promote their website and steer customers online. That might sound like a simple business decision that can’t reasonably be challenged, but I think there was something behind it and within it that was an obvious mistreatment of all employees, and really customers, too, and it contributed to my eventual emotional breakdown in front of my community for two years.  That itself is probably going to be a criminal torture case, and it would seem that I should just sue about that.  But oddly, I am probably not going to even though it might be like one of those forty million dollar cases.  I might do it and donate the money or something, but mostly I don’t believe in lawsuits as part of my religion, I also don’t want to live off of being wronged, and most of all, the crime is so deep and transcendent that I think I should just wait and see how things turn out on Judgement Day.

 

However, this other issue that overlaps with the severe mental damage caused by everything in the store being made unbearable on purpose, is something that I think is dirty and common and also affected most of the employees at the store level.  And that is just the way Barnes and Noble used emotional abuse to steer customers to shop online instead of in the store. They were trying to use us as a storefront, and almost like robots ourselves, and frustration was a tool they used to influence store traffic.  The lookup system was made unuseful on purpose, in order to make us find fewer books successfully, even though that was our stated job, and to make us to try to do more ship-to-home orders from the website- supposedly just like ordering online but really by taking their credit cards and using them on cash registers away from the customer service desk, which made us have to take cards away from people's sight and have personal responsibility for their credit card numbers in a way that caused us to be blamable if anything went wrong.  It also meant that customers wanted to browse the look up system themselves, blurring the customer-employee line on purpose, and causing customers to come into close quarters in an employee only space.  I also think they deliberately used this change as a way to create a mass partial constructive dismissal and tighten up the job duties past what everyone could do, so they could identify some employees to keep and frustrate others into quitting or failing and having hours cut or being fired. In fact, the better and faster you were, the more frustrating and yes, absolutely heartbreaking it was to no longer be good at your minimum wage job. This whole thing might have been what started the torture, because I think that people who were helping me personally with my mental illness survival knew they were doing that and Barnes and Noble knew those people knew and started doing it worse on purpose, and then it just escalated into criminal abuse. Meanwhile I was still trying to keep insurance for a severe mental illness that actually would have been in its least painful phase other than the torture.

 

So now I have brain damage, and though that is relevant, it is not the main thing for this particular lawsuit, and I think everyone whose lives were made worse by being turned into punching bags with impossible tasks in order to boost online sales have a strong case that should take away quite a chunk of cash away from whoever actually gets the money from the stores.  That’s not employees, and like so many other American businesses, people chose not to invest in people through wages and have destroyed one of the world’s greatest and most important resources, which is America’s prosperous free market system.  These people are going to go to hell right before our eyes, but so will a lot of other people for related religion reasons.  Anyway, sorry I always launch into that but I am reminded of it every day with a life affected every second by layers and layers of societal abuse and discrimination, which were in most extreme official form when I worked my last working years at Barnes and Noble.  

 

I think a lot of people would say that the companies make the rules and if you don’t like it, you can work somewhere else.  But there are leverage factors and dishonesty that make this case a little more complex than that. So that is all I am saying, and people probably think it is foolish of me anyway to show my cards. But foolishness is my full time job at the psychiatric housing complex where I live, and I think it is just too interesting to not share that I don’t believe in cashing in on torture but I do believe in standing up for employee rights.

Happy Hollandaise

Happy Hollandaise, everyone. I did just make a little sauce with some egg yolks, lemon juice, and butter. I had to add a little bit of milk and cheese because of not enough butter and the eggs did scramble slightly but that is how I know I didn’t get salmonella.

I am trying to reset my behavior after cursing in the next post but people can see a trend in this blog where something went horribly wrong. I guess now I can say at least it was my life instead of the Hollandaise sauce.

I had to lose many layers of lifelong faithfulness in order to get to this instant gratification mindset. Maybe that is part of a disguise that God provided so people wouldn’t know who exactly they were offending with various violations that they were coached on from certain schools and media.

That is all for now. A very useful and comforting creative writing life has been turned into a wasteful journalism role with a rudely assigned beat of societal abuse, observed from a vantage point of constant rejection and harrassment, with some kind of additional managed cruelty designed by people who seem to think that an actually very extreme amount of destructive torture is necessary at all times to keep me safe from worse people. I honestly don’t think it is good or true, and I am often more right about things like that than people realize. But there is no need to brood about the past, which is something people do when they are depressed and something I have been doing because of another round of tricks to keep me safely in a low mood for the holidays. But I am not as safe as people think, and it is an absolute total unpredictable crapshoot whether my new knife set will be cutting the next batch of scrapple or my wrists and neck on Christmas Day.

 

Special Announcement

Ok everyone, it is Saturday at about 6 pm. Earlier I was in a frame of mind to write a funny friendly blog post like the earlier posts of this blog.  But I got triggered by politics again so I am not able to write that post.  But I still had an okay day and am thankful for what I have, which includes a nice place to stay, safety, and I just made cookies.  Well that’s the topic to say is that unfortunately I left off the milk.  I knew the dough was too dry but I could not figure out what was missing so I added some more egg and Crisco.  Well that did help but I knew it was still not perfect.  And the cookies are a little bit dry.  You can tell from the icing that I did not care. But I did kind of care.  And then I thought hey my new girlfriend might like to eat some of these cookies when she visits.  But then I tasted them and they are in fact a little bit dry.  And usually these cookies are so good that you know you’re supposed to make cookies like this for a living and will probably face eternal damnation on Judgement Day for missing such a noble calling.

But anyway, you should not joke about that stuff or throw away the bible your parents gave you which I most certainly did when I lost my other apartment. 
 
I did have a good day today though and found a twenty dollar bill on the ground.  That was after seeing a lady cry at the post office when another lady turned in the money she found and it turned out to be that lady’s lost money.  And then the postal worker told me I had to come back and get my present from my sister on Monday even though the note was already in my p.o box that said I could pick it up.  So that was mysterious but I accepted it like a champ.  Then I went to the grocery store and there were only two jars of molasses left so I left it for other people.  That was nice of me but it was a good deed prepared by the conspiracy.
 
The ginger and cloves I bought cost 15 dollars, and that does not seem right.  I think people are helping me be depressed again after I got a little hyper earlier this week. It was because I did well on a zoom call. 
 
Anyway I have been watching cooking videos on youtube and thinking that I would love to do a cooking show where I curse at everyone throughout the episodes in a disorganized schizophrenia way.  But I try not to curse because of being a Christian.  But I can’t help it when I walk through my neighborhoods. So it would seem like hey why not just do it for comedic effect but so far I still am determined not to. But sometimes when I think about heaven I think okay when I get to heaven I am finally going to be able to curse and I will live in a porn library. Well that is also absurd because I used to work in a Barnes and Noble and turned my head several million times from stuff unwanted in my face.  So I guess life is confusing but if I have a show I am going to call it the sh-t-fck kitchen and I am going to start by saying, hey, I am really a poet, and you know how they tell some people they have a face for radio… well I guess I have a face for… Fck you.  Fck you up your deep a.s.s. you muther fcking piece of judgement day coal.
 
So anyway I guess that is because of being triggered.  It was kind of concentrated this time like the icing on the pastel easter egg looking cookies that I made and will eat for the rest of the season even though each one will remind me of how I forgot the milk and have a ruined life as well that now will hopefully have another added person in it to observe the exact nature of perpetual loss and enough humiliation to distract a whole country from its unfortunate but clearly inevitable and probably deliberate demise.

hi everyone here is my new christmas tree. i am still working on my behavior problems everyone, thanks a lot. the next post is kind of rude, maybe i will delete it.