this Blog is now available as a book called "Mad Blog"

 Hi everyone, I published this blog.  I like how it turned out. It is 450 pages and you can see a plot develop throughout the posts as they start out happy and friendly, then there are hints of legal intimidation, and then I am wrenched completely and my life is ruined by political hypocrits.  The book is on amazon with my other books.  There is a link at refriedbean.com.  I don't know why my books haven't sold.  I think it is because of mental health case management.  But I am kind of tired of not having an income that matches my work.  It does hurt my feelings and I have to start to see that maybe the conspiracy is actually abusive.

But I am okay and enjoy the creative process without the sales but I am a sales and advertising-ish kind of person and intended to create products worth buying.   Like it's not just charity though I would give away as many books and cash as I could.  I feel misperceived as a worker.

Also I am not as conservative as my posts make it seem, but people harrass me so I defend all of us in writing.  People in the north are so quick to remind evangelicals that americans are never persecuted but I feel sorry for them because we are, and it is them who do it.  I think some of it was motivated to reach their unchurched people and get everyone engaged in politics.  But unfortunately their politics became too much a substitute for religion and they have hurt a lot of people.

But that is enough of that. I am tired of it being my job to understand and analyze people's abuse as they mistreat me.  Some of the nature of most abuse is that it is bad and stupid so in a way it doesn't make sense.  So why try, it only takes time and energy from other worthy goals and better people.

I have gotten a lot of mental health care to still feel this bad.  Every day i feel anxiety and pain. Whose harvest is that? Is it mine, from writing and doing volunteer work?  I doubt it.

Have a nice day, everyone. Some of this is a re-enactment from other times in my life. It is part of creative therapy in new york.  But some of that story was an assaulting public as a retail worker so think about whether you want that to be you or if you want to be in the hall of polite customers.