"License to ILL"

 Hi everyone, I hope you all are doing great. This is my old blog but I occasionally post on it if I need to complain about something.  Today I am okay and in a good mood because I just wrote a new story. I like how it turned out.  Earlier I was not as happy because I still felt bad after people were mean to me at my support group.  Eliza, Sonia, and Barbra each seemed to come to support group with the intent of making people feel bad on purpose.  I think it is some kind of activism and is suspiciously skillful.  It could be that they want prayers and it is part of the conspiracy.  So I don't really know what to do.  I think a normal policy of proceeding with the usual guidelines of straightforward participation is what is recommended and then they just become more and more obvious in their quite nasty bad choices.  I mean who targets suicidal people in their own support groups?  I'll tell you who.  Social work activists.  What an embarrassment. Truly a disgrace.  The field is full of people like that. I might eventually burn my license.  Some people will pretend they don't care, and that is fine, because most of my audience is saints and angels anyway, waiting to welcome me to heaven after mental health workers succeed in driving me to suicide.  So far I have no attempts to my name, after years of depression, but unfortunately the attempts to make me give up are in the hundreds of thousands from hypocrit harrassers all along the way.

Lillian and Tamara

 Hi everyone, welcome to my old blog. It has a pattern of old posts that could have been publicly popular and might still be appreciated in the books where they are printed, and then a sad transition to a journal of suffering as people put the finishing touches on ruining my life.  There is a wasted literary career that has happened, but still at least the work itself is preserved in books published on amazon.  I am used to people trying to tell themselves it probably wasn't good writing anyway, but they are wrong and selfish and all things like that will be apparent in due time.

As it is, I am being abused at my apartment.  It is mostly emotional, and something I haven't really heard labeled before, which is a "life abuse," or circumstances sabotage, where people in authority roles try to hurt your life and damage or block your ways out of the "pain that they maintain."  

Last year it was a bad case manager, Tamara, and this year, it is still that person plus at least one more, Lillian, who just made her intentions known yesterday, with an obvious exhilarated feeling as she continued what seem to be her main strategies which involve always suggesting that I might need to go to the hospital if I say anything about their mistreatment.  So she tries to escalate any complaints into me seeming unstable.  She has done that about three times now.  The other person's go to strategies are more like power plays and hints that I am getting marked down for things that make me lose housing.  And then a time lapse to make me not make any progress on goals. There is more, there is also this nasty "holding" effect where that case manager would make herself present right before an event or other group I was doing and then set a time to meet back with me again, so I would feel as nasty abuse shadow over the parts of my life that were okay.

I can freely say these people's names, the second person is kind of a sad surprise who I had expected to treat me well, so the effect is a feeling of the whole staff doing everything they can to make me feel awful every day. It is weird to think that these are the worst people I have ever known, because I already have essentially a twelve year torture case pending, also with key abusers and their supporters from my old retail job. My brain damage tells the tale, and this time my death will tell the tale.

I knew in July that I was being mistreated, and have begged now for months for anyone to help me.  But basically I am dependent on the housing so I have to be emotionally abused for the indefinite future.  It is heartbreaking in a depressing way that I am familiar with and thought I had escaped from.  

If you are reading this, there is no need to report it, I have already done everything I can and people know. I think that it has to continue until it also reaches federal crime levels for anything to be done.  And I know already that for some reason, nothing will be done.  I don't know what it is about me but people often agree that I am supposed to be abused and that I can't have any reward for my work and efforts.  By now it is essentially my whole adulthood like that, and I just have to wait for it to be over

I think if anyone else is planning to join in, whether you are a lawyer, or a racist activist, or whatever your interest is in taking another chunk out of my soul as an assistant of satan, a key bible story to look at is when Moses was not allowed to enter the promised land.  It was a discipline from God. Moses had done something wrong, I can't remember what it was, but after 40 years of suffering and leadership as he led slaves out of Egypt, God said he could not enjoy the end goal because of what he had done wrong.  The reason I think that is relevant has to do with some of the people who for whatever reason think they will get away with being mean to me. No matter what aspect of their life makes them think they can get away with indulging in this one instance of abuse at their job, they will not in any way get away with it. And I doubt they are Moses in any way, so it will be interesting to see what horror awaits them, and when, and in front of what audience.

People might think the same can be said about me, maybe even for telling on bad people in this blog, but actually those people would be wrong.  I do what I am supposed to, and people who just do what they want to or what they can get away with all the time don't realize how obvious their bad behavior is to everyone who already has habits of honesty and treating people well.  So we patiently forgive and pray and accept our persecution, while bad people try to use that against us too, saying we are too passive while they continue their disgraceful crooked perversion in front of all of human history.

Goodbye everyone, some people did try

 “Beggars can’t be a chooser, that’s why we abuse her” - The Bridge Inc.

Hi everyone it’s me Sarah, happy to be back in New York until my housing place overtly made me fear losing housing again. It was a security guard this time but usually it is staff or medicine people trying to make me not take my meds so I more easily get kicked out. I had a bad case manager this past year and it took me a long time to figure out she was making me feel bad on purpose and trying to make me lose both housing and benefits. I do not know how extensive the network is who helps her and whether it is for political reasons or just some sickness she has.

They gave me a new case manager but it is too late. I do not expect to live through the week. I truly wish I was never born. I wish I was a fetus during Kamala’s presidency.

I reached out to a lot of people but any benefit of my miraculous survival of years of depression and poverty continues to be overtly threatened, wasted, and insulted. And I just have had enough and in the end I philosophically believe I don’t have to keep participating in my own torture. I have complained before about how wrong it is for my determination to survive to be warped into a suicide rights mission but I do not believe I will be the one answering for that, and I believe my own reckoning will probably be in a matter of days. I know God is not happy with what people have done to me in New York and elsewhere. The stupidity of people who don’t care what he thinks is almost as depressing as their actual emotional abuse and destructive hypocrisy.

Will I be contacting hospitals and social work schools before I am gone? I don’t know. I think people need to know not am to send any more clients and interns to a place that hurts their residents on purpose.

Emotional punishment for doing what I am supposed to is a lifelong experience and a strategy from Satan that too many people too eagerly joined in on for whatever reason.

To those who helped me last this long I thank you all. But I can’t survive abuse at this close a range from the people who I trusted with my life with little choice.