Happy New Year's Eve

Well everyone, I hope you are doing great and having a Happy New Year’s Eve. I am staying home as usual, and I am looking forward to eating some yummy food by myself.  I am going to make some rice krispy treats, and I just finished making a Mexican bean dip.  It is yummy, but I used a guacamole spicy dip instead of just guacamole, and that messes up the flavor a little bit.  But I think it is still yummy.  At my grocery store, people often get in my way on purpose and block the aisles as a form of harassment.  I think it is because of racism or as some kind of defense of the neighborhood.  I don’t know if it is based on other identity factors besides my race, like my mental illness, or my loneliness from autism and gender problems. It could be more political and have to do with me being an American citizen having the audacity to live in an apartment in… the United States of America.  A lot of my neighbors make dog noises at me when I walk down the street, or spit near my feet.  But the most common thing is to get in my way as I walk down the street.  Sometimes as many as twenty or thirty people can bother me on purpose within one trip to the grocery store or coffee shop.  I do not know who all everyone is affiliated with. There are a lot of “social justice warriors” in New York City, who to me are sometimes so unreasonably hypocritical that it almost seems like a psychiatric problem.  Some of that philosophy is very supported by the social work school that I went to in order to try to become trained to help mentally ill people.  So I often feel the persecution from more powerful sources when the people in my neighborhood succeed in ruining my day and life. It is sad because I do not have anywhere else to go.  I have to live in New York right now because of the emotional abuse from where I came from, and because of the seizure disorder that makes it too much of a legal risk to drive.

    Anyway, is that too depressing to share on New Year’s Eve? I usually keep it to myself because I have thought that if I got famous as a writer, my neighborhood would be in danger when some people find out how I was treated.  But I am not sure anyone would do anything. Some people view me in a category negatively with a lot of other people in this city, and they are glad to let us all self-destruct together. I just try to get some good praying done and regain some peace and happiness when I can and be thankful whenever anyone is nice to me.