Hi everyone, I hope you are doing okay. Today is Saturday. I am finishing up a round of facebook boosts from this week. It went well and I am thankful. My new page of art and poetry is different from my jokes page and people like my poems. I am so thankful and happy about it. I look forward to sharing more poems in the future.
I have felt more frustration with my jokes page this time, though I don't know exactly why. I think it is because I didn't nail it with my choices on what to boost. But definitely there are some successful jokes, and even the ones that aren't as much of a zinger have found an audience. So that is good and I am happy to learn more each time I run ads.
I complained to facebook about some crooked dealings and some of my numbers went down. So that is too bad and possibly unwise, though the problems I complained about were egregious. But my sense that it was a tragedy I think was possibly a little bit much and probably influenced by my psych meds which give me an odd specific feeling of devastation.
The medicine I had to take was clonazapam because my gallbladder cramped up this week, and then I developed a severe case of bruxism, where your jaw clenches and your face hurts. That is interesting, I think my life situations were exactly the recipe that causes that. The competitive ambition on facebook, the stress and rage of being thwarted at every effort for two weeks by every institution I work with, and my underlying neurological conditions. I can tell this will be an issue for the rest of my life, and I didn't have it two or three weeks ago. So I truly can trace it back to my SSDI paperwork being lost in the mail, my apartment making my address unstable and not letting me get my mail reliably, my case manager hurting me on purpose for now the fifth month of suicidal suffering, my friends putting secret messages in conversations calling me stupid, facebook messing up my ads and posts on purpose in order to make our whole society beg, and my challenges with the banks as I applied for loans and credit.
I think I am not going to get the loan I applied for, but this recent ad burst might be enough for me for a while. I can go at a slow pace and I can tell that the facebook shares are not going to translate into immediate book sales. So it might be wiser to not get myself into a financial jam.
I just still question why the conspiracy persecuted me for ten years of social media probation. It is such a waste but I think there are other writers and entertaining people out there, and plenty of people shared all kinds of ideas and art just as good as mine. So I got taken down and crimed, and I guess I am back at the point where I say okay I guess heaven will be better. I just think that is sad because my life improved to the point where I thought I must have cashed out some of my reward in heaven, and now it is ruined again, so I feel like there is nothing in heaven for me either. Now I feel the jaw clenching again. Jaw clenching is not a joke. It is not like twiddling thumbs and biting nails.
Well that is all. This blog is like a journal but it used to be a good blog fit for public reading. So I just don't understand but I am thankful for what has gone right and someday I will understand what went wrong. Will I go to the grocery store today, I don't know. I guess i will go take a walk right now.
Have a good day everyone, thanks for the good times.
No comments:
Post a Comment