Who really wants to say I told you so

 Is this some kind of joke that Biden is in Delaware on vacation while Putin has nuclear weapons on launch mode?  We should have shot down every one of their military targets as soon as Putin even moved his soldiers to Ukraine's border. I feel bad for not blogging my suspicion that choosing not to defend Ukraine would in no way prevent the world war that Putin wants to start.  He decided in quarantine that he wants to use up Russia’s stockpile of military resources, and America is one of the targets.  Possibly after Europe, but possibly not. This is his sick bucket list from facing covid. Will I post this, will I not. I don't know. I have ideas for a full military strategy that are so good I shouldn't post them.  And I am a poet and mentally ill depressed person.  So frankly that makes me impatient with a president who might be incompetent in all senses of the word. And yet there is another tragedy, to not be that surprised, and to see that really it does reflect our country in many ways.

Continued blog coverage of the invasion of Europe

 

Ok, some American troops deployed.  Are there enough? Or will it be a political game for US politics, to say, at least we tried, etc. To say, we have some blood in the “game,” instead of the blood being on the losing side.  Is Biden a good person after all? Is he the Julie Andrews of politics? I will support him and already was, until I saw Ukraine get faked out.  And then sanctions, but where is the defense? That is all I will say for a while. People have their reasons for not trusting leaders, and the aggression happening in our own country is for me one of those reasons. Democrats tear things up with their teeth and then say they don’t believe in violence. And now we need to use weapons, or are multiple cities expected to be martyred by nukes, and for what? Christianity? After mocking evangelicals for thirty years?  I think there has already been quite a display of our patience.

Judgement Day Cards

 Well everyone, it is a Thursday morning. I am saddened by the horror overseas, and of course the problems in our country that probably have more foreign influence than people realize or will admit. But the good guys will win and the truth will prevail. I wrote about my opinions on my mad blog and I might have overdone it a little bit but I am going by what I read in the news.  Today I might go to the grocery store.  I don't feel safe on the subway now and question the intentions of our new mayor though it is early to tell what will happen with some things. So I am not sure how to go to the bank later this week. I usually go downtown because the racism in my neighborhoods has prevented me from being able to shop normally and go to the banks closer to where I live. I thought of a good idea for Judgement Day which is like a Pokemon card game where people have their stats and you try to beat people's other cards with profiles of people who seem random but might "trump" people in unexpected ways.  In heaven there would be billions of possible cards, and some people would be like drawing a "draw four" card in Uno, or like the Queen of Spades in Hearts or something.  That is an idea for a poem, I guess, so I will try to write it soon.  I am just writing this post now because my next post seems like it is from today when really it was from several days ago.  Well have a nice day everyone.

See you at the poles

   Well everyone, I hope you are having a good Monday and aren’t having a bad case of the Monday blues or a Russian invasion of your country. I myself was extra careful to not accidentally hum the wrong national anthem when I walked to the grocery store today.  That is my topic for this blog post which is actually just a random opinion and not about the war that is probably about to happen on a terrifying horrific scale.  

    Anyway my opinion I want to share is that I think our country chose the wrong national anthem and it should have been the “my country tis of thee” song, and that the star spangled better works better as a poem.   When you quote the poem to yourself, it is really kind of powerful.  “Oh say does that star spangled banner ever yet wave…”. That is powerful.  But in song form it kind of has the tune of a screeching cat.  People freaked out that time that Rosanne Barr butchered the song on purpose as a joke, but the song is already “butchered.” Like it is really a poem and not that good of a song.  Did God allow it so we would look stupid all these years at baseball games?  I don’t know. Possibly. I am not suggesting that it be changed, but I am sharing this artistic opinion that I believe I am right about. There is a truth to what is good art, what is good speech, what is true and right.  And when people decide what everyone will go along with, maybe it works out fine, but maybe eventually people see things for what it is.  This genuinely isn’t a post about the war or our country’s problem politics, or the fact that I might not be able to watch the news during this time because of racism. This post is not in disguise or implying certain agendas that the in-crowd will nod along with. It is just an effort to do a normal blog post like my old posts before this blog was ruined by people hurting me. 

   Anyway, back to the star spangled banner song.  Is it an indication that there is supposed to be a place for poetry more in our society? Like maybe that there should be an anthem and a poem? This isn’t that important but I do say it because I believe I am right and the truth of it is really something to think about and learn from.

Way to go Olympic athletes, you deserve a lot of medals

 Hi everyone, I hope you are having a nice Friday so far.  If you are just now reading this blog, you can see that there has been some recent censorship drama. It does bother me but I also know it is rigged and Zuckerberg has been nice to me. I love facebook- it changed my life.  But I think that some people want there to be a social civil war happening at the same time as a possible world war, and I think those people are going to lose some friends and possibly already have. I blocked most of them already.  I just think that people who want to make everything be about an election every four years might be missing some other opportunities, and people who make everything else turn into a fight too might have done worse than miss opportunities.   

So that is that. I might post some more stuff on my new minds dot com site. I steadily think of zingers but some of it is becoming obsolete.  For instance, I have an idea for a post with the New York Times building where I call it the Iranian Embassy.  I mean that is freaking classic but really they could be targeted by actual Iran and then won’t I look stupid?

 

I want to tell everyone I don’t think New York is going to be nuked.  It is just a personal prophecy feeling but I will go ahead and share it. In my social skills group for mental illness we talked about Putin and Biden’s social skills.  It was kind of funny to see it that way but I hope everyone is staying safe.  Probably all those guys have been attacking the United States for ten years and that is part of what is behind all the shootings and other random violence.  I am keeping Asian Americans in mind because a lot of them have been hurt lately and you could totally see even China or someone staging those attacks to trick us.

 

But way to go Olympic athletes and your mascot is cool too.

Legal Terms

 So this is interesting.  I post a photo of a unicorn pinata on my minds dot com page, which I have retreated to because of censorship on facebook.  That’s Facebook, with sometimes literally only ads on my feed, running along the posts of my friends, who will never be paid because technically they’re not influencers.  So facebook is still cashing in on a huge chunk of normal nice people who haven’t been won over as official socialists yet.  I have to say I do agree with Facebook’s staunch support of black people, because they are at risk in our culture and war and have a legacy of endurance that is possibly the most special part of world history happening right now. And could they take refuge in those other sites? Possibly not. But the leveraged algorithms and sometimes blatant silencing on facebook is a hypocrisy, which I believe takes for granted the goodness of less political people.  And I think they are actively starving us of seeing as many good posts as well, after years of an appreciation and participation that was simply not aggressively supremacist in any way.  People want to say that caring about kids, posting photos of family, and sharing recipes is the same as white supremacy.  But we feel sorry for you and everyone sees your bullcrap for what it is, just like the starbucks logo and everything else that's deliberately offensive in our lives. 

Anyway as I was saying, I posted the photo of the unicorn and I think it was a good post in that minds site libertarian context.  And before that I posted a blog post about Target and shared it on facebook.  That is what got me censored. Well it so happens that I bought that same unicorn pinata for my nieces at a Target during Christmastime, and when I did, a legal shark private investigator made themselves known at the cash register.  It was because I was low on my cash which also includes SSDI money.  Plus it seems now that they predicted my participation in free speech social media which I am afraid probably does harbor a lot of racists and right wing extremists.

 

So that is very interesting, because I also expect to find some gamer friends on these social media sites, and I feel like that private investigator actually is essentially a gamer in a strategy game that is supposed to reach into the next million years or so.  And in another post I called one of my old bookstore bosses a nemesis, which is a word I don’t mean to copy from a different writer, but I don’t know how else to refer to someone who is like a strategy game opponent past purgatory.  Okay opponent was the missing word.  Anyway I also want to say that my main reaction when I was standing next to the legal threat person is that the person is going to heaven someday.  I am just good at spiritual assessment and believed on sight that person is not in danger of God’s wrath.  And other people I know who have veered towards mixing up other religions or just denying Christianity actually do seem to have a worse spiritual problem, and yet they are not legally terrorizing me to the point where I have to communicate to the person I like through secret messages in an insurance call.

 

And then now as I type that I suspect that it is not about gaming but about comedy. Meanwhile it still seems like my books aren’t being read and I know they should be.  What is the problem?  I don’t need to be CS Lewis but I do think I should have the right to be Refried Bean.

 

Well, I don’t know if I will share this post any time soon on facebook or if I can.  I mean maybe I can share it on minds dot com but am I a target now from more than Target?

 

Have a great day everyone, stay safe. Just eat food, stock up on groceries, do the best you can. Put your faith in God and your martyrdom will not be wasted.

Being De-activated

I kind of get it, how people like me should not be the older brother in the prodigal son story and criticize the political people while they work out their hypocrisy quirks from not having the same religion. I really do see it and feel a genuine patience.  And yet I don’t have a livelihood and am being persecuted by the main market outlet that also in some ways has officially super-ceded government.  And the fact that it is also technically personal and will cut me off from lifelong friends, after contributing so much to their success myself.  The fact is that my contribution actually could be calculated into dollars, and in a way already has been and is reflected in people’s fortunes.  Yet my loss is incalculable and will be worse when sad lonely kids also don’t have access to an author’s books that could have added to another safe classroom environment.  That is a new turf people are fighting over, after years of proving the media can’t quite be trusted with anything sacred.

Does Russia see our bullseyes

 Black people in Target ads.  Such a revolution.  Really, it brings tears to my eyes.  How are your wages, Target?  Something tells me that your billionaire stockholders are the ones still holding on to all the reparitions money for us.  I am sure the cashiers won't mind at all when you all make your tearful presentation of such a priceless or priceful gift to our nation, or at least screech in pain in front of the yawning chasm of fire once everyone knows it is too late.

Books to help with Bullying

If your child likes Maus, they might really like a book series called Dead Sea Squirrels, which is about Jesus Christ gunning down liberal bullies at Armageddon. Gee, why isn’t that being shared on facebook? People say, no, you don’t understand, it will be the kids hurt by gun violence.  Or is that actually a risk because of the Russians and Jihadists in our society that we don’t know about because our media would rather also assault us?  Facing World War III without good journalism.  Or is it a Civil War, or just the Culture War that got too nasty, or always was?

 

Our silence is the exact patience that will save your souls if that is still possible, though everyone knows by now it might not be. As long as people try to equate hate crimes with innocent work and volunteering, then you will never have the other half of the country you have lost and continue to cruelly taunt because of your greed and monstrous thirst for power.

Welcome to my blog

 Hi everyone, I hope you are having a nice day. Today is the day after groundhog’s day.  It is such a sweet holiday that has not been commercialized whatsoever.  But I think children should get candy or something for it, in addition to drawing pictures of a sweet brown animal.

Anyway I am advertising on facebook now, for 7 dollars a day.  That is a small budget.  I am averaging 27 cents a click which is really pretty good.  It is also on a trend where the clicks are increasing so I am excited about that.

 

But you can probably see that I have published a lot of books without much of a following to show for it.  It does agonize me but I think there is a conspiracy and I am trying to be patient. 

 

In this blog my personal wrenching becomes mixed with political perspectives sometimes, and I am expressing some views as a reaction to a lot of news that I almost can’t even read anymore.  I just feel a media assault that makes me feel triggered by stories and posts and causes me to defend people who I think are accused unfairly.  So I seem like a right winger but I actually conspicuously did not choose politics as my main expression of beliefs.  Some people did, and they want to drag people like me into it more.  In the north, it is popular to “speak truth to power,” but most of these people have all the cultural power and political power already, so they can only act out their charade by targeting church leaders and republicans. I feel bad for them, and some of the missing religion here is a tragedy.

 

But some of these people are the best people there are and have years behind them of providing care for oppressed people as an example that should not be wasted.  Has there been enough outreach instead of persecution?  I would say no, and the habit seems to be that once people crack the code on societal needs, they try to enforce their ways though law before winning people over in a more authentic way of service, which does happen to be the sincere religion of the people most violated.  

 

Anyway no need to try to explain everything I have observed, but there is a lot of political hypocrisy that has ruined my life personally, as well as heroic mercy that has kept me alive to experience more oppression.  So I will at least blog about it while people ignore me, and look forward to heaven when God tells me my blog was his favorite without a doubt, and that I was the star of an imaginary mice cartoon for the saints all along.

to visit my facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/Refriedbeanpoet

to visit my amazon page: https://www.amazon.com/Refried-Bean/e/B0927TF2PD/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_book_1

bullied on facebook or by facebook?

Well hi everyone, today is Friday.  Are you new to visiting my blog? I don’t have that many blog visitors to my knowledge but maybe some of my facebook friends stumble upon it sometimes.  Yesterday I posted a photo on facebook of a hawk that is nice to me near my apartment.  It tries to communicate with me and flies near me on purpose.  The geese there sometimes aren’t friendly, which makes it even more unusual because it is not just a case of me being like St. Francis or something.  It is like very specific socializing like with humans. 

Anyway when I posted it, one of my friends sent a secret code in the comments to other political people on my feed, telling them to see a post I posted about my friend who died.  Then I saw a very rude and disturbing post about censorship by another one of my friends who I don’t know that well but who had once sent a friend request that I think was actually a new type of ad from facebook.  That is kind of depressing because I feel a little bit bullied, and might have to defriend a college friend who I have known for twenty years. People did that stuff a lot to me last year, and I know I have about a hundred facebook friends who have chosen consistent political betrayal to harass me.  It is interesting because supposedly the main evangelical crime against everyone was like a false friendship using people for conversion stats but I would say this new betrayal in the other direction is much worse yet not that much different for people trying to accuse us of stuff.  I think the glee of it and the momentum from winning an election is somewhat understandable but also a mistake and what we have is a recording of vicious disrespect not unlike what a lot of us have felt from the media for many years.  It is not a new revolution and it is not about mexican children. It is about bored greedy people trying to undo the spiritual work of a lot of good people who did what they were supposed to despite overwhelming resources used against us and the young people we tried to defend.

But I guess at least I have a hawk friend who doesn’t treat me like that. I hope the gargoyles do the same for all of y’all where you are going.

Stop and Shop Forever

Well everyone, today is Thursday, Jan 6. I am just waiting my turn to be beheaded by millennials, if the generation before them doesn’t succeed in ruining their lives to death first. People might say, aren’t you in the generation before them? No, actually. I am a little baby elephant named Peanut.

Anyway, I made some cookies today.  I have a cold of some sort but don’t think it is covid.  I think I got it from being breathed on deliberately from passers by, or possibly from eating off the floor in my apartment.  And I do not know if I will go to the store later for DayQuil or not because I do not want all the grocery store people to beat me at life as essential workers.  

 

I just listened to a sermon from CH Spurgeon about letting names perish for the sake of the eternal name of God. It was a pretty good sermon but what is unclear is how much people have to try for that to happen.  Like it seems that it could happen anyway, so that delusions of martyrdom to add to God’s glory should not be too entertained except for following Christ’s example and teaching.  So that is a topic for further study, or for further facebook advertising to promote certain poetry books with quality that is certainly perishing just as the sermon told.

 

Anyway that is a difficult topic for me to hear about now because I think I have several souls after being split into horcruxes last year like Tom Riddle in the harry potter books.  The fact is that these covid times have been rough on me from people doing it on purpose, and I don’t appreciate it.  No one wants to be found out as Voldemort on Judgement Day, but it is pretty clearly on the horizon for me because of my attitude problems that were provoked on purpose by better Christians.  But I still have hope for living in the real arkham asylum in purgatory, which I now have a lego model of that I built on new years. It confused my resolutions a little bit to now know what to aspire for, but hopefully assembling the corresponding jokerland carnival set later this month will cement my intentions in the right direction. I do like funhouses and clowns, and I think I already know which direction most people I care about are headed for.

“It takes a harem”

 Well everyone, it seems that I am having more hallucinations and I suspect that it is mostly the liberals from the 90s, haunting everyone because they know a new batch of control freaks is lining up to have their heads explode on judgement day. I am thankful for all the people who have turned out to be real friends on my social media feeds.  It is definitely not everyone, and there are religious people trying to reach over me to get to harrassers who do nothing but insult me and campaign at me with their memes that they have been hoarding in an odd but unsurprisingly greedy way starting in the trump years. That is not a fun combo, and neither is the realization that when I run ads to share poetry with a wider audience, it just shares to my friends I already have.  That is because facebook itself Is also dirty, and it is really no longer zuckerberg’s immaturity behind the tricks for more clicks, but savvy algorithm people who will eventually use everyone’s identities to enslave anyone working in America and use artificial intelligence to rule our schedules and force people to either view or be viewed as porn in order to buy food and participate in any commerce whatsoever. In a way, some of the worst of it has already happened voluntarily, which is the tragic harvest of a thirty year media assault from people who paid too much for college where they learned only to crap on the good people dwindling towards the corners.  God intervened in our cultural starvation with an extravagant social media blessing, but the same bullies have tried to take over those channels as well.  I guess that is to finalize God’s plans to call it what it is, like usual throughout history, and destroy all the bad people with one all powerful glance of disgust in a moment very near. People have had plenty of warning, and you can kind of already see the falseness behind a lot of the twitter harassment, which developed in a different pattern than the original social media that was so mitigated with normal good people.   I have futily been looking forward to whenever facebook releases a “facebook classic” edition of facebook, or if myspace ever reboots to claim their origins, or if a new social media site called “Actuals” can ever round up another selection of people who don’t harass me every day like the drug dealers on the way to the grocery store.  Meanwhile, as the people who have seized government power for a few years until people realize in horror what socialism is really about, the country is not just divided into nazis and dem-jerks, but more like an east and west Germany where the bum section blue urban communes expect the prosperous working people to pay for their drug habits and child abuse. Of course I seem so much like one of them because of my disability, but I know that God has better ultimate plans than for me to become a socialism pawn while the potheads try to blur my innocence into their fundraisers to support “people with mind altering experiences,” or worse, “justice involved” peers. The new plan is for clients and patients to be paid either in addition or instead of their social workers and doctors.  Just thought I would go ahead and report that, since my honest intentions to actually work have been found to be too convenient an ambition to not roll through every new system engineered to funnel more money from all the poor cashiers in the south, who will have every condition that either caused these “other” conditions or is from these “conditions” in the first place.  That is part of the blur created on purpose, but true justice from God will be quite the opposite of a cloudy mass state system, and instead an exacting, accurate accounting for every thought and deed, with the ultimate choice of Christ or death being as clear as our world is muddy.

A Very 7-11 Christmas

Hi everyone, who is reading this blog? No one? That is very rude. Today is Christmas Eve. I woke up a little bit depressed but am okay now.  I went to the post office and my present from my sister was there and it did make the difference for how I feel today.  But I still urgently posted a photo of myself on facebook for other sad people. I wore my Greenville sweatshirt that my sister's family gave me.  It was such a good surprise and some candy from a store in my hometown called Mast General Store where they have barrels of candy.  So thanks everyone, thanks conspiracy, I am getting through another Christmas.  Does the person I like like me?  It could be the twelfth or fifteenth Christmas hurt by a delusion not coming true, but I will get through it.  I think that the conspiracy felt that I could afford the shame of that chronic problem.  I personally don't see it that way but still am committed to staying alive to pray for people.  Also I figured out that putting molasses in coffee creates a gingerbread flavor.  And I feel like that is something people need to know.

    Speaking of important news, I have been defending the evangelical church from libtards for a long time now, but for some reason, this christmas, I have some more awareness of how dirty some of those churches really are. How disgusting their discrimination is, and how long they have gotten away with it. I feel so sorry for them, and for their charade, and for how much everyone knows what they did and yet they all still prance around like it's other people with the problem. But their gaydar picked people up faster than any media hypocrits ever could, and they let people know in their own way who wasn't accepted and never would be.  Then those of us who had to be patient with it to survive were talked to like we were idiots for the rest of our lives. Like maybe we were the ones with the theological problem. But as the evangeli-tards continue to dedicate their lives and fashion to sharing their gospel of why they are better than everyone else, it is the rest of us who have had to ask God for help. I still really believe the church has done well in some ways, and that most of the northerners hate christians because we sing songs to God like they are too proud to do.  But I don't intend to spend the rest of my permanently ruined life keeping the church's sins a secret in the same closet as my mom and dad's worse persecution for much the same reasons. No one is going to get away with their ignorant harassment or their futile attempts to hide the evidence of their stupidity, which happens to be the entire rest of creation. In fact, I think everyone already knows most of the things still unsaid, yet I can't help but acknowledge that some people seem to have a little bit too much glee from their sick, selfish kidnapping fantasies coming true all around us in every country including our own.

 

Evidence Based Affirmations for Mental Illness

      

Nice Rice

 People weren’t expecting me to make fried rice today were they.  I know those people in the overcrowded bus weren’t expecting it, and probably Satan did not predict it either.  But it was very inevitable with the mixed vegetables sitting there on the stove, and the eggs on the counter and rice in the cabinet.  And then some people probably still thought that not having butter meant not frying anything, but I did have the vegetable oil.  So that worked out and it was yummy.  Some Polynesian sauce from Chick-Fil-A was good to add, too, and Worschester sauce, which I add to everything. 

Well that is all for now, everyone. Some bacon would be good next time I guess but this was yummy today.

It seems that all my blog posts from here on out will be tainted with political wrenching from the New York Grimes and other problem people who are mean to me.

So I will keep trying to just be thankful and count my blessings instead of complaining but as I have said before, some complaints are like when someone is standing on your hand and you really should say something about it.

Anyway I think I am going to try to invent a dish called Nice Rice and it will be called that because it has three kinds of something in it. And the idea will be like kind means nice and it has three kinds of ingredients like cheese, mustard, and cream or bacon or something. In fact I could say if it has three kinds of anything then that is what makes it Nice Rice. 

So I guess fried rice is usually a type of Nice Rice too.

Well have a good day everyone and don’t eat too much mean beans.

A Very Expensive Book Case

 Hi everyone, today is still Sunday and I am just writing to explain the lawsuit I might participate in.  It has to do with the way Barnes and Noble changed their book look up system somewhere around 2010 so that it matched the website more and made it almost impossible for employees to find a book on the computer screen or in the store.  The idea was to promote their website and steer customers online. That might sound like a simple business decision that can’t reasonably be challenged, but I think there was something behind it and within it that was an obvious mistreatment of all employees, and really customers, too, and it contributed to my eventual emotional breakdown in front of my community for two years.  That itself is probably going to be a criminal torture case, and it would seem that I should just sue about that.  But oddly, I am probably not going to even though it might be like one of those forty million dollar cases.  I might do it and donate the money or something, but mostly I don’t believe in lawsuits as part of my religion, I also don’t want to live off of being wronged, and most of all, the crime is so deep and transcendent that I think I should just wait and see how things turn out on Judgement Day.

 

However, this other issue that overlaps with the severe mental damage caused by everything in the store being made unbearable on purpose, is something that I think is dirty and common and also affected most of the employees at the store level.  And that is just the way Barnes and Noble used emotional abuse to steer customers to shop online instead of in the store. They were trying to use us as a storefront, and almost like robots ourselves, and frustration was a tool they used to influence store traffic.  The lookup system was made unuseful on purpose, in order to make us find fewer books successfully, even though that was our stated job, and to make us to try to do more ship-to-home orders from the website- supposedly just like ordering online but really by taking their credit cards and using them on cash registers away from the customer service desk, which made us have to take cards away from people's sight and have personal responsibility for their credit card numbers in a way that caused us to be blamable if anything went wrong.  It also meant that customers wanted to browse the look up system themselves, blurring the customer-employee line on purpose, and causing customers to come into close quarters in an employee only space.  I also think they deliberately used this change as a way to create a mass partial constructive dismissal and tighten up the job duties past what everyone could do, so they could identify some employees to keep and frustrate others into quitting or failing and having hours cut or being fired. In fact, the better and faster you were, the more frustrating and yes, absolutely heartbreaking it was to no longer be good at your minimum wage job. This whole thing might have been what started the torture, because I think that people who were helping me personally with my mental illness survival knew they were doing that and Barnes and Noble knew those people knew and started doing it worse on purpose, and then it just escalated into criminal abuse. Meanwhile I was still trying to keep insurance for a severe mental illness that actually would have been in its least painful phase other than the torture.

 

So now I have brain damage, and though that is relevant, it is not the main thing for this particular lawsuit, and I think everyone whose lives were made worse by being turned into punching bags with impossible tasks in order to boost online sales have a strong case that should take away quite a chunk of cash away from whoever actually gets the money from the stores.  That’s not employees, and like so many other American businesses, people chose not to invest in people through wages and have destroyed one of the world’s greatest and most important resources, which is America’s prosperous free market system.  These people are going to go to hell right before our eyes, but so will a lot of other people for related religion reasons.  Anyway, sorry I always launch into that but I am reminded of it every day with a life affected every second by layers and layers of societal abuse and discrimination, which were in most extreme official form when I worked my last working years at Barnes and Noble.  

 

I think a lot of people would say that the companies make the rules and if you don’t like it, you can work somewhere else.  But there are leverage factors and dishonesty that make this case a little more complex than that. So that is all I am saying, and people probably think it is foolish of me anyway to show my cards. But foolishness is my full time job at the psychiatric housing complex where I live, and I think it is just too interesting to not share that I don’t believe in cashing in on torture but I do believe in standing up for employee rights.

Happy Hollandaise

Happy Hollandaise, everyone. I did just make a little sauce with some egg yolks, lemon juice, and butter. I had to add a little bit of milk and cheese because of not enough butter and the eggs did scramble slightly but that is how I know I didn’t get salmonella.

I am trying to reset my behavior after cursing in the next post but people can see a trend in this blog where something went horribly wrong. I guess now I can say at least it was my life instead of the Hollandaise sauce.

I had to lose many layers of lifelong faithfulness in order to get to this instant gratification mindset. Maybe that is part of a disguise that God provided so people wouldn’t know who exactly they were offending with various violations that they were coached on from certain schools and media.

That is all for now. A very useful and comforting creative writing life has been turned into a wasteful journalism role with a rudely assigned beat of societal abuse, observed from a vantage point of constant rejection and harrassment, with some kind of additional managed cruelty designed by people who seem to think that an actually very extreme amount of destructive torture is necessary at all times to keep me safe from worse people. I honestly don’t think it is good or true, and I am often more right about things like that than people realize. But there is no need to brood about the past, which is something people do when they are depressed and something I have been doing because of another round of tricks to keep me safely in a low mood for the holidays. But I am not as safe as people think, and it is an absolute total unpredictable crapshoot whether my new knife set will be cutting the next batch of scrapple or my wrists and neck on Christmas Day.

 

Special Announcement

Ok everyone, it is Saturday at about 6 pm. Earlier I was in a frame of mind to write a funny friendly blog post like the earlier posts of this blog.  But I got triggered by politics again so I am not able to write that post.  But I still had an okay day and am thankful for what I have, which includes a nice place to stay, safety, and I just made cookies.  Well that’s the topic to say is that unfortunately I left off the milk.  I knew the dough was too dry but I could not figure out what was missing so I added some more egg and Crisco.  Well that did help but I knew it was still not perfect.  And the cookies are a little bit dry.  You can tell from the icing that I did not care. But I did kind of care.  And then I thought hey my new girlfriend might like to eat some of these cookies when she visits.  But then I tasted them and they are in fact a little bit dry.  And usually these cookies are so good that you know you’re supposed to make cookies like this for a living and will probably face eternal damnation on Judgement Day for missing such a noble calling.

But anyway, you should not joke about that stuff or throw away the bible your parents gave you which I most certainly did when I lost my other apartment. 
 
I did have a good day today though and found a twenty dollar bill on the ground.  That was after seeing a lady cry at the post office when another lady turned in the money she found and it turned out to be that lady’s lost money.  And then the postal worker told me I had to come back and get my present from my sister on Monday even though the note was already in my p.o box that said I could pick it up.  So that was mysterious but I accepted it like a champ.  Then I went to the grocery store and there were only two jars of molasses left so I left it for other people.  That was nice of me but it was a good deed prepared by the conspiracy.
 
The ginger and cloves I bought cost 15 dollars, and that does not seem right.  I think people are helping me be depressed again after I got a little hyper earlier this week. It was because I did well on a zoom call. 
 
Anyway I have been watching cooking videos on youtube and thinking that I would love to do a cooking show where I curse at everyone throughout the episodes in a disorganized schizophrenia way.  But I try not to curse because of being a Christian.  But I can’t help it when I walk through my neighborhoods. So it would seem like hey why not just do it for comedic effect but so far I still am determined not to. But sometimes when I think about heaven I think okay when I get to heaven I am finally going to be able to curse and I will live in a porn library. Well that is also absurd because I used to work in a Barnes and Noble and turned my head several million times from stuff unwanted in my face.  So I guess life is confusing but if I have a show I am going to call it the sh-t-fck kitchen and I am going to start by saying, hey, I am really a poet, and you know how they tell some people they have a face for radio… well I guess I have a face for… Fck you.  Fck you up your deep a.s.s. you muther fcking piece of judgement day coal.
 
So anyway I guess that is because of being triggered.  It was kind of concentrated this time like the icing on the pastel easter egg looking cookies that I made and will eat for the rest of the season even though each one will remind me of how I forgot the milk and have a ruined life as well that now will hopefully have another added person in it to observe the exact nature of perpetual loss and enough humiliation to distract a whole country from its unfortunate but clearly inevitable and probably deliberate demise.

hi everyone here is my new christmas tree. i am still working on my behavior problems everyone, thanks a lot. the next post is kind of rude, maybe i will delete it. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

     Hi everyone, I hope you are having a good thanksgiving. Today is Black Friday and I am at home being thankful for what I already have, which is an entire lost wardrobe and apartment, homelessness, unemployment, severe mental illness, and family emotional abuse that will last until the day I die.  

     But it could be much worse, and I am thankful to be visiting my parents and sitting in my childhood home with wifi and leftover food.  It is my first time back on a holiday in seven years. That is mainly from avoiding holiday traffic and I did visit about twice a year other than that.  That is just some information for the legal sharks who have been tracking me and preparing a case against me for twenty years.  They did not like my cashiering and customer service at my bookstore job. You have to wonder if a twenty year vendetta was about something different than membership card sales, but honestly I think maybe it was, in fact, about the 10 percent, or the .00001 percent if you are referring to my sales stats.

     Anyway, my sister's family got a new puppy, and it sat next to me when they visited.  So that is nice and probably a good omen from the prophecy of hajmarahajaj. I just felt like saying that but really I am a Presbyterian. However, I do indulge in some Catholicism when special powers are needed. It's probably plenty safe, and who needs underworld principalities when you have politics and social media.

     Ok, that is enough.  You can see if you read through this blog that I wrote friendly, funny posts for a while, and then a soul wrenching started happening and my posts started to reflect another round of persecution from democrats, TSA workers, and the Roman Empire. No, really, I did not plan to post about these problems today, but you can tell just from five minutes of CBS Macy's parade coverage that about 40 percent of our country is going to hell very soon. Do you guys not see it?   I see it.  I see it instantly when the Pikachu balloon floats by all the liberal pawns in super-filtered technicolor and you know that this video footage will take on an eerie significance after the war starts, or finally just gets called what it is. Sometimes you just kind of know things like that, like how everyone should have known that when Toys R Us went out of business they would be back in a few years after collecting bankruptcy insurance. And sure enough, there they are, as part of Macy's now, with Geoffrey the giraffe floating by in the parade among all the high school band targets for terrorism.

     No, really, that is going too far.  As I was saying, coffee is only 50 cents at the new Lowe's grocery store near my parents' house, and near the entrance there is a huge bar and alcohol section in case any addiction sufferers mistakenly thought people cared about them. The store also has self checkout lines with no cashiers anywhere in sight in case anyone was entertaining psychotic delusions that our lives were not being monitored in totality by digital transactions and video cameras for future punishment and discrimination.

     Anyway, I can see why some people believe that God used the Sept 11 attack as a time marker for our country's journey into historical levels of cultural disrespect and child abuse, but I actually think that it was in the 90s that people made their choice.  It is one choice, deep and quiet in the heart, but sprouts into whole lives that have tangles of either bad poisonous vines or calm potato gardens.

     "So are you saying you have a potato garden?" I hear some people saying.  Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. It is a garden of baked potatoes from my favorite restaurant called Copper River Grill.

     How long do you guys think I can keep going with this blog post?  Well I guess it depends on how long people can keep reading it, doesn't it?  Actually, no, it doesn't.  People could just choose to miss out, like many already have, and there is a little lesson here for all the people who were taught the wrong thing and feel the slight fear in their hearts all the time when they continue to harrass and silence people like me.  Listen to the people insisting that science can't be denied.  And yet people don't give religious truth the same regard. Some cowards told people that the truth didn't matter in certain categories, and now in our country it turned out that whole categories of people were treated like they didn't matter. So now it is time for all the bad people who ruined everything to pretend they were the ones doing what they were supposed to.  And yet some of us are genuinely baffled to be called ignorant because we read books instead of watching the late night TV that only insulted us every time every day.  Gee, I wonder why some people don't want to pay more taxes.  I just can't guess at what reasons they have for that, other than some slight suspicion that it actually would be and already is a tragedy for public schools to become the most accessible trafficking hub for international slavery and kidnapping.

     Well I guess that is just another reason to keep writing, because we see another polite silence as the people kidnapped in Haiti have now been missing for over a month with no heroic intervention from the United States, at least so far, despite weak assurances of Biden being "briefed" every day.  This is opposed to a "brief," swift rescue that was needed and probably possible if people like him weren't used to sending in a trickle of military personnel to have their lives blown up overseas instead of winning wars.  I will say here, all insinuations aside, that I do believe Biden's failure to intervene is different than when Obama didn't care. 

     That should really be enough for now, and I guess it is all I have to say, mainly from not watching the news anymore. I caught a glimpse of Fox News while visiting my parents, and had a fleeting feeling of possibly having some reliable news to watch, but I found disappointment in their bias, too. It will probably mostly be young people dying in the war, and some of the generation before them will be disappointed about that, but some won't.  It will just be part of their porn feed, which wasn't enough when it was linked to the entertainment industry, and still won't be enough after it eats the rest of "civilian" life.

     Ok really, that is all. I was just bored and wanted to go to the mall but can't afford the polo shirt I wanted to replace my bag of clothes that got thrown away after the infestation. No, I am talking about just bugs and mice, not the giant praying mantis monsters that are lurking in the corners of every apartment now, and the snakes tangled up in everyone's families and pseudofamilies.  You will all see them soon enough when you get your seizure disorders from how we are all treated by government and media people.

     Speaking of which, this post could be part of a "best political essays" collection, couldn't it?  Well I have some news for y'all which is that it probably is in a collection like that in heaven.  It is probably being broadcast right now along the digital headline signs near Times Square in heaven. They have more room for stuff like that because of what they don't post, which essentially is just about everything uttered in our faces and God's face by the media today.

     Happy Holidays, everyone! 

Time Capsule Club

Hi everyone, this post is an out of the ordinary blog post intended mostly for facebook friends.  I am looking for some volunteers to provide a sort of time capsule service in exchange for free books and probably a free gift, which I currently think will be a jar of cookie butter, a bag of coffee, and one of the new grocery style containers of Chick-Fil-A sauce.

The favor I need is for at least a few people, and maybe as many as ten or twenty, to agree to receive a box of my books in the mail, probably in January, and then just place the sealed box in a closet for the next few years.  I would hope to also sometimes include a flash drive with the files on them in case the books ever need to be republished.  To me, this could  imply some informal licensing rights for whoever believes that they or their kids might really be motivated some day to republish these books if they are ignored too severely before I die.

 

I think there are a few levels of participation in this Time Capsule idea, and if anyone wants to email me your address or send it in a facebook message, I will add you to the list to receive some books some time probably in November or January:

 

smefird5@gmail.com  or send a facebook message with your address.

 

participation levels: 

 

Level 1:  5-7 free books to read and keep on a bookshelf like normal books.

 

Level 2: 10-12 books to store with the intent of preserving these books for a later time if no other copies can be found.

 

Level 3:  being a core Time Capsule person with a collection of 20-30 different titles by Refried Bean to keep in a box for years.

 

Level 4: all 35-37 books, a flash drive with backup files, and being considered as a guardian of a Christian literary legacy that could impact future generations, possibly willing to meet with other Time Capsule people years from now to prevent total destruction of the writing itself if political strife causes a ten to twenty delay for appreciation.

 

Level 5: free books for teachers or other education and social work people interested in helping with the process to donate them to schools and classes.

 

www.refriedbean.com     

 

books on amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Refried-Bean/e/B0927TF2PD/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_book_1

frogs of the internet

 hey everyone this is a collage I made for an art group at my mental health program that I am in. Thanks Camila for leading the group. I am excited about how it turned out even though the frogs are all from the internet.  It did make me feel better after kind of a depressing weekend because people continue to torture me and ruin my life.  I do not know if I should still be blogging in this condition and circumstances. But hopefully if I stay away from the news I will think of some poems and have another book done that can be read by some other society another time. I feel very betrayed by my society even after a conspiracy helped me and maybe especially after a conspiracy helped me. Well have a great day everyone.

A calm summer day in October

 Guess what everyone, I got my wifi working on my phone. I did not do that well with the process but finally am able to use wifi based on my phone connection. I wrote some essays and posted a few of them but am saving some things for my new poetry book.  I will probably finish it in November.  I might also do a collection of favorites from some of my other books so there can be another good book in the thin book series.  But I need to sell some soon. Is my next post too rude. I felt depressed about it but talked to my friend who has cancer and she reminded me to avoid political triggers. But I did kind of care what happened in public life and through campaigns and journalism. So maybe I was wrong and will eventually unpost some stuff. My friend with cancer has helped me a lot and I don't know what I am going to do without her.

My acknowledgements pages have some good rightful listings but have a lot of people left off in haphazard illogical ways, too, and I think more people would have liked for their last names to be listed. But doesn't everyone want some justice coming their way in heaven?  That is what I think but I am perpetually having tantrums because I feel like I already spent my reward from heaven on earth, and things did not work out in some ways.  Like they almost worked out, but thousands of people invested in me and it seems like a trick sometimes.  But probably it is not a trick and I definitely conflated many things including delusions and then social work people had to unravel all of it over the course of about 8-10 years.  So that is kind of funny and an interesting project that involved a lot of people, and that does match an image of what I thought could be an interesting judgement day case some day.  Like I thought there could be a lot of people and all the cases against me could be absurdly apparent and everyone could eat a lot of h'oerdourves during the trials. I think a lot of that has happened but I am not sure other people got enough food. This past weekend I said on facebook that I supported the Salem Witchcraft trials.  It was kind of rude but my facebook friends did not leave me hanging (get it, hanging?) and I really appreciate it. I said that witchcraft endangered the colony and anti-colonialism privileges clergy and discriminates against milkmaids.

Anyway, I think my friend with cancer is going to get to be friends with Flannery O'Conner in heaven and they might see my old guinea pigs and my sugar glider named Sydney. I think that Sydney is sometimes going to sing a song about how he forgives me for when my parents made me keep him in the garage after college. It will be very sweet.  

Well I guess that is all for now. I might soon google the person that I like so I can see if it is a wild goose chase or not. I think one way to contact someone you like in a creative way is to request a restraining order on them from the cops so it seems like they are the one stalking you.

Have a great day everyone. I was depressed earlier but my day got better and there's nothing that a cup of coffee can't cure or a support group where they say of course that is not true.

Thanks, to people who were nice to me on facebook this weekend: Ana, James, Jacquetta, Hadley, Chase, Stacie, Lee, Jared, and I think one or two more. Sorry to forget names sometimes everyone I can't help it.

when writing seems too simular

    Well everyone, I hope you all are having a nice day. I have some interesting things to say that are complicated but I am going to try to post about it a little bit because I think it could help other people, and possibly myself while writing it.

 

    Yesterday I reread one of my books, called Revelationaries, and it includes some blog posts from a few of my blogs on different topics.  And on one of the blogs, I was talking about how I am often able to truly love and pray for people who have hurt me in lifelong ways, but sometimes can't even conceive of there being in this world any forgiveness for random people in daily life who do something like play bad music in a store.  And I suggested that partially that situation is a clue that we all need forgiveness and people don't always know the hurt their actions cause. Well I used the phrase "everyone needs forgiveness."  I heard that in a song that one of my college friends named Laura Story wrote.  Did I plagiarize her?  I don't think I did.  I think it is pretty common language.  But I also took two theology classes this month and am realizing something that I need to be aware of going forward.  For many years now, I have been a creative writer, and a lot of my English background is my own independent reading, though I do have a degree in creative writing and in teaching English.  That is my main category of efforts and motivation, and I do know what I am doing and have been a very honest worker with very few lapses in standards. However, I am noticing that in theology settings, and especially in ministry settings, the nuances of how people express certain teaching and theology ideas can actually be where the issue of originality is, so there could be a lot more thought and personal success behind something very straightforward like "everyone needs forgiveness."  Someone mastered the plain-speak but also read the social terrain and nailed it.

    This realization comes on a day that I also decided to unsubscribe to emails from another Christian writer, who I thought would be my friend but might not want to be in the long run.  Which is fine.  And speaking of "fine," that is a word that person uses a lot.  And I have used it, and felt an influence and comfort from that person, which I am sure is one of their goals as a speaker and writer. But here is where I figure out that I am not going to risk twenty years of creative work and ten thousand original ideas by being a ministry follower and then be accused of plagiarizing because I use the word "fine" in a blog post. Well that happened to be on a well-timed meme from this person, and I can see that maybe there was some real thought work behind that choice.  But if people think I am going to start losing vocabulary words because I followed nice people and supported them kindly from my own sense of creative security, then they are part of the reason for my current career status of tragic martyr silenced by the hypocritical socialists. So I think I have to stop following some people as a co-writer.  And there is one more thing to mention, which has to do with christian ministry generally having a different goal than creative writing for its own sake.  And that has to do with the ministry goal of people embracing your message and living by it. I won't go so far as to say that it creates a simple conflict of interests or something, but I think that really what has happened in both the cases I mentioned, which are just examples and not legal cases and if they are I really will shoot myself on video, but anyway as I was saying, I was a successful recipient of ministry and accepted the influence which was the goal.  And that was my role and intent as well, so if I am influenced at all in mood or strength as I write my own posts, then I would say that is fruit of their ministry and not plagiarism from me.  But this growing fear I feel of being suspected of copying on levels that by ministry standards are probably above me but by writing standards are not really in my same category of art, is a sign that I have to shut it down with some of these influences and no longer even read any of these people's books. Really, I was just trying to support people and enjoy other people's work that helped keep me company as I wrote poetry and blogs all by myself while surrounded by about a hundred mice in my old apartment. 

    So that is that, and I think even though I have kind of casually rambled in the same slightly lazy way as my other blog posts, what I have said here is some really interesting material and holds up pretty strongly legally as well.

    There is another topic for another post, which I think I am only beginning to understand, which has more to do with the charade that continues where people try to bury writing and art from people like me.  Well I have some news for everyone, which is that it doesn't work.  People tried to do this with my life, and the truth came out.  And my thirty-three relevant books with more than national level quality will be seen for what they are, when they were, as well as God's disgust at my engineered rejection. There is theology behind that, too, and people can point to "actual history," but I will just point them right back to the cross, which is what helps me finally crack the code on whether my whole life and work will be successfully wasted.  It will not in any part be wasted, including the timeliness and efficiency that were offered to God in the first place but rejected by fools.

have a great day everyone

 Ok everyone my mad blog is still out of control and I have been brooding again about racism and political problems but I cooked some scrapple and put caramels in my coffee and I have calmed down some.  This past weekend I published a book that I finished unexpectedly on Rosh Hashanah and it was called Apple Novel.  So that is exciting but doing the acknowledgements page as usual was an excrutiating challenge. But I am okay except at night.  I am feeling inspired to work on the next book in the series which I might try to call Kmart novel.  But I think I should try to get permission to do that.  Usually I don't ask permission and I just try to use people's likenesses in a complimentary way but I think I am going to put a blue light bulb on the cover of the book and that is a bit much to not ask permission.

     Anyway nothing else is going on. Remember when I used to say funny things in these posts?  Well now I guess it is just a diary. I am tired of pretending to be an author and not selling any books. 

     Anyway some happy news is that I realized I am in AOC's district which is the Bronx and Queens.  I live in the Bronx near a Stop and Shop.  

    Ok everyone now I am going to an online support group. Have a great day.

Sept 11- Try to forget

photo credit- Jessica Early

Well everyone, today is Sept 11. I posted a new book but don’t know if I should have named one of the characters Dr Havarti instead of Dr Halverson which is a person’s real name. Pretty funny but I hope no one is mad or hurt at me. A cheese name could be good because it is a food pantry novel. Anyway today is a holiday for a lot of people. I was in the middle of a severe depression on sept 11 and thought the terrorist attack was my fault even though I lived in Greenville SC. A pastor at my church described the sense of duty when firefighters watched one tower collapse and then marched immediately into the other tower anyway to climb the stairs and save lives. It was very moving and helped me keep going to work at my bookstore job even though I had social anxiety and sometimes did not want to walk in the door. It helped me a lot. When our country splits up I will probably try to be in whatever location has the Sept 11 people.

 

I can't disclose my location but here is a hint: There's Canada geese here.

    Hi everyone, I'm writing and blogging again after a break for the summer. I decided to stop blogging because of some attitude problems which I am still working on. I also moved to supported housing for mental illness and I cut my spending in half.  I kind of had to but there was a risk that I wouldnt be able to.  But I have and the program I am a part of has helped me keep my apartment clean too.  So I am doing well on my behavior goals and am happy to have moved near a giant grocery store.  But I miss my old neighborhood sometimes and have stopped going to the coffee shop completely for now. Are people mad at me? I do not know.  There are geese here that live near my new apartment and they are not as mad at me as geese sometimes are. I fed them some cereal today on my way home from actually not being harrassed this time at the grocery store. I am a member of the discount program and yes it is going on my resume.

    Anyway I hope people are getting through hurricanes and surviving all the various survival situations. Don't get me started on politics because I could have and would have helped but people shut me down. I am still able to pray though and there is a prayer after this post.  I think it could be copied by people who don't pray at all but maybe they will get some salvation from their continued attempts to shred all the people like me. One of my friends once said I was like a piñata, and candy flies all around if people hit me. That is a compliment I really appreciate.  I hope it is one of those rainbow donkey pinatas, and I hope the people beating me up are like those blindfolded kids who can't see and keep beating the air and then end up hitting other people with the stick so that their party is ruined.  That sounds like leftover politics doesn't it? Well it isn't. I am not commenting on the problems that hurt me. I am trying to do the best I can instead but I can see the loss of humor in this post. People will not get the same interaction with me that they could have ten years ago. Heaven is not ruined for me but hell is for you. Ok that is enough. Do you gice see what I am talking about?  Avoiding the news and blocking facebook friends helps some. So far I still pay attention to the National Weather Service but I will cut them off too if I have to. You know you are in trouble when God's people choose a tornado over your power hungry harrassment.  Who is reading this? Maybe no one, or maybe people who are no one.

September Prayer

Dear God please dispatch 10 billion prayer promises and 4 million blessing headquarters with angel animals and saint committees to imagine and assign stat transforming list sequences, prize packages, trillion year distribution schedules, blessing maps, and non-wastable hidden destiny-findable bonus activators for  thousands of people each day starting a long time ago in history or throughout the lost or un-acknowledged pre-add status locations, scenarios, invisible linked associations, or generation-based choosables. Please provide several hundred million direct contact blessing notifications with a thousand million remote untraceable alternate themed jackpots to be replicated and repeat-gifted to any co-building occupyers at any time plus earlier or later contact times fifty people and corps. Please add interpretation layers to any prayers  prayed by all the people designated so far and add contagion loops, exponentializers, inclusion add on eligibility, and simple prayer prompts to any possible label system participant acknowledged or sponsored by eager eternal servants with pending reward stores accessible to all communities represented by workers, consumers, or any linked care people over a span determined by an opposite lottery system focusing on celebration activities as an idea with unlimited interpretation and reminders for later faithful maximizers. Please dissolve erroneous network burdens and break tangles in order to release new winners to fields and categories charged with supernatural power resources that cause future accumulation of gold coins, magic marbles, super tickets, keys and wooden treasure boxes, found items and special accounts, and instant or simultaneously developed gift and reward stashes for friends, family, coworkers, travel buddies, or wild card multiple factor expansion application. Please forgive us all for sins and mistakes and help us feel better with comedy extravaganzas. Please add a talent grid provision for all in all of all to all and help people use their gifts. Thank you for your faithful son who died for us and please help everyone be friends of God and Jesus forever and surrounded by happy cute animals who talk and wear clothes.